i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize