btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I need a beard to bite.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
