just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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