I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
