My sheets look like a crime scene.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize