Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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