im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
