I think I just saw someone hide a body.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
