now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
