On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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