Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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