I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
