Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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