Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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