i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize