Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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