listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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