Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
