I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
