ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
