Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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