Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
