i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I need a burrito and a hug.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
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