my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
