Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Randomize
