I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
