I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
