Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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