in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
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