Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize