i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
