It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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