im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
