do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
