I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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