You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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