We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
