I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
