just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
