She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
this beer tastes like vomit already
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
