You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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