im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
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