so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
