All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
