YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
