Do you still have your period?
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
