Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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