just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
