i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
