FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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