I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
