While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
