if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
