Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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