I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
