Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
