last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
