i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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