Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
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