I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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