So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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