Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
