alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
