hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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