So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
