The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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