I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Randomize
