I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Randomize
