i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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