I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
