No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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