I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
