3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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