I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize