My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
