in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
