If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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