escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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