there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
