smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Dicks are not precious.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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