i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
