is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
NoShamevember. You game?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
