Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
