I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
