I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Randomize
