Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Randomize
